Blog Posts

My life after the earthquake

9/25/2018

How to explain something to a person who hasn’t been through the same experience? This has been very fundamental question on my mind lately. Why it is so? Well, I’ll try to explain...

Ok, first, let’s face, I have been avoiding people a lot during the past month. I’ve been avoiding eye contacts and certain situations that I knew I would need to speak about the earthquake and everything that went on. And I was actually wondering why it is so? I mean I don’t mind speaking about it, I don’t think I have any trauma over the situation. So why do I feel this way? Finally few weeks ago I realized what it is that makes me act this way. The thing is… It may seem from outside that I’m the same person than I was three months ago but inside that person doesn’t exist anymore. And that is actually something that I find very difficult. This makes it difficult for me to melt into the life back home, in Finland I mean.

The situation that I’m in today have made two things (more than that actually but I’m only handling these two now) perfectly clear to me. One is my love for yoga which I think is even more deep now. This was one of the first things I realized after returning back home. It was my comfort and my “tool" to reconnect to my body and soul again. And it was and is so clear that yoga is my present and my future. Other thing is my motherland. Where is that exactly? Ok, this I find very hard to say out loud. As much I appreciate and cherish so many things in Finland, I just don’t feel connected to this country. I have actually talked about this for years now but at this very moment it is so crystal clear to me, I just don’t feel like I belong in here. And it really shouldn’t be a surprise to me, I mean my dharma type is outsider so it certainly explains most of it really. Here is the definition of my dharma type:

Sometimes I think no one really understands me, and no one ever will. I love freedom and need to feel independent and free most of all. Although I can fit into many crowds, I never really feel a part of any of them. I wear many hats but none of them defines me. People may see me as secretive or mysterious, but I am just the way I am—different. By fate or choice I am attracted to foreign lands, cultures, religions, and values and have embraced some of these. I have talents and abilities that are not always recognized, and it can be hard to make a living if I do not compromise with my society. My ambitions are somewhat unique, and I have a quirky way of seeing the world. Sometimes I feel lost and don’t know what my true purpose is, but when I look at others I am reminded of what it is not: I can’t conform to somebody else’s lifestyle just for the sake of security, even though I may not have found my own.

When I read this for the first time I was actually relieved. I mean it just put all the pieces of puzzle into their place. When I was just a little girl I really enjoyed been alone. When my friends came into my house asking me out to play I went of course, because I didn’t want to be the one who was left outside of the gang, but I really felt most comfortable when I was alone doing my own stuff. And even though I had many friends and definitely was one member of the gang, l still felt I was different. When I grew up I remember watching out from the window of my room staring at the clouds missing something that I couldn’t even imagine or put into words. It was just the feeling inside of me that my life is somewhere else. So, now this leads me to the next question, where is my home, where do I belong? It is said that your home is where your heart is. And right now my heart is leading me to somewhere that might be the home for me, in other words, to India. ❤ India, where I’m planning to stay, oh well, for the time being.

So what I’m going to do while there? To find out, stay tuned. ❤

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New moon in September - Moon of change

9/11/2018

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The new moon on the 9.9.2018 was moon of life change. This phase of the moon encouraged to let go of anything old that doesn't serve us anymore. It was time to close one door and open a new one. It was the time for reformation. 🌑

"Some things must die so new ones have room to grow."

New moon in this September has certainly been detoxifying for me. I’m reading this book called Lumoava Nainen (I would like to translate the title to Mesmerizing Woman) by Finnish author Meri Mort and it is said on this book that this is good time for daydreaming. The energy of the new moon is drawing, emptying, dark, dying and at the same time it holds possibility for new opportunities. It gives us a reason to think about the things that we might want to change in our lives? What and what kind of seed we want to manifest and grow? What kind of life we want to live?

And just like the energy of the new moon, I’ve also been withdrawn during the new moon. I have mostly spent time alone. I’m in the middle of this huge cleaning project which I see as the dying energy of the new moon. I’m closing the door of one era and it is at the same time very sad but it also offers great opportunities.

I have travelled into myself during this time and I have discovered something that I didn’t know existed. It has been racking and yet so inevitable. I have found myself crying on the floor, which is the new moon digging out something or anything that has been insensible before. In this book Meri Mort says that we are calling out the wise woman during this phase of the moon. Wise woman understands that in order to see the brightest light, you also have to get to know the darkest shadows. The sides of us that we are trying so hard to hide. She encourages to dive into those unpleasant feelings fearlessly. And this I have certainly done.

Even though it seems that this has been quite an unpleasant time for me I’m still implementing advice from the book saying: Have faith and hope. Be aware of the fact that you are the alchemist of your own life. ❤

Have you noticed that the moon or some specific phase of the moon has some kind of effect on you? How about this new moon did it bring out something special about your life?

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Help needed

8/24/2018

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This blog post is actually a plea. Plea on behalf of my friend who lives in Kerala, India, where severe monsoon rainfalls have caused the worst floods in century.

Last week I was following the news from Kerala with heavy heart. I have friends in Kerala and I was really worried about them and wanted to make sure that everyone is ok and everything is good with them. I would be so happy to be able to say that everything/everyone is good, but… One of my friends has lost everything. It is not just material lost at this point which of cause is also devastating. At this very moment they are lacking clean drinking water and food. Two things that we are often taking for granted. Now imagine if these were taken away? What if there weren’t access for these all of the sudden? What to do then?

I have set up a fundraising campaign to help my friend. I’m really hoping you would be able to contribute to this also. Hoping that you keep in mind that even the smallest amount of money could make a difference and can be a lifesaver. And anything you can give will be so greatly appreciated. Please share the love. Thank you. ❤

gofundme.com/help-needed-in-kerala-india

Facts concerning the Kerala floods:
- Nearly 400 people died
-Over 700 000 people forced to leave their homes
-It is estimated that it will take 20-25 years to bring Kerala back to what it was.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Do all the good you can.
By all the means you can.
In all the ways you can.
In all the places you can.
At all the times you can.
To all the people you can.
As long as ever you can.
-John Wesley
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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I'm ok, I think.

8/17/2018

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How are you doing? I’ve heard this question numerous times during this week. And I want to thank you all for your concerns, support and how you all are looking after me, I really appreciate it. ❤

I wish I’d have answer to that question though but I don’t. There are only random amount of mixed feelings that I can’t even express in words. There are moments when that question makes me wonder if someone has died. And then I realize, yes; some part of me has died. I really can’t express myself correctly on this matter, not yet, but I do know that nothing is ever going to be the same. One moment, one experience, can really change everything and you just can’t go back.

My heart breaks over and over again when thinking about what happened in Indonesia during my last week there. It is not just about my dreams breaking but mostly about the locals and their lifes and the fact that they have lost everything. 😢 And I can’t help but wonder, and ask myself, if I would have been more useful staying there? Should I’ve stayed there to help those who lost everything? Should I have done something differently, instead of being home, safe, trying to connect my life back home, failing completely and feeling so lost.

What next? I don’t know. Everything happens for a reason even though the reason is not so apparent right now. Time will tell. I think I just need to trust life and the fact that everything is going just the way it should.

“Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong and keep reminding your self that everything happens for a reason.” - John Mayer

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Life is fragile

8/12/2018

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I started writing this post about two weeks ago but for some reason I found it hard to finish then, now it’s not hard anymore, even though the ending is quite different than I imagined. 😢So, beginning of this is written after being in Indonesia for two weeks and ending now when I have already returned back home, back to Finland.

I have now lived on this small Indonesian Gili Air island about two weeks. Last week it suddenly hit me, I realized that the biggest dream that I have ever had is now reality. I have dreamt about working under Asian sun teaching yoga and enjoying the ocean view and the perfect weather.

I teach yoga six days a week (about 7-10 hours) in a place called H2O yoga and meditation centre. In addition I also do karma yoga two hours daily and this covers my living at the center.

One thought stopped me thinking about life a few times actually. At first the thought took me over like a tsunami, this was probably two days after my arrival. I sat on the beach enjoying the warm weather and the ocean realizing that everything that I had ever dreamt of has now come true. And once I realized it fully I was so incredibly happy. But… What happens then? What happens after everything that you have ever dreamt of actually come true? Do I have to think about new dreams? I shared this fear with my friend and she said it so wisely, now you just have to live your dream, you don’t need new dreams. ❤

Every day on this island is like a dream to me. I keep staring the ocean and I feel like I have to pinch myself so I can really feel that this is actually true. I mean everything that led me into this situation has been like a dream to me and it all happened so fast.

After first two weeks I started to feel like home on the island but still I was also so restless and unsure about the future and whether I really do want to stay there for the next 7 months or not. I was sure that it was mostly about the fact that I was missing my routines and was hoping that those routines would give me balance and stability to live there. So I focused on my own yoga practice and studying more about yoga and going to gym regularly. Still feeling restless somehow.

On Sunday 5.8. after being on the island exactly one month I had a talk with my boss about my future in the center and we agreed that I will continue to teach there for the next 7 months. Which would mean that I’d get more responsibilities to also teach on retreats and workshops. I have to admit that after this conversation I still was unsure about this decision but then thought it’s only 7 months and those 7 months would be such a great opportunity for me. It was all that I had ever dreamt of; teaching yoga daily.

The day before I had a minor sunstroke and on that Sunday evening I was thinking that I do have to eat something after fasting for one day even though I still didn’t feel that good. At 6.30 PM I hopped on my bike and cycled to one of my favourite restaurants on the island and found out that it was closed. I felt dissappointed when I headed to beach road where guys from my favourite coffee place were wondering where I had been for the past few days. I continued riding by the ocean to the other end of the island because I suddenly got this urge for french fries and I knew just where to get the best ones. I sat on the beach eating even though wind on that night was kind of rough. I ate my fries reluctantly thinking they aren’t that good after all.

My office view at Orong Villages

When I left the beach I thought that I had to go to grocery because I wasn’t feeling that good and I hoped that Sprite would help me. I drove to Siti Shop (island’s supermarket) and realized it was closed. Damn, does everything have to be closed today, I was wondering. Next small shop was near by so I decided to go there. I was searching through the drink collection unable to make a decision on what do I want after all. Then all of the sudden the building started to shake. I realized immediately what was going on rushing to the door thinking that I’m good here. Luckily the clerk threw me out of there. The earthquake just kept on going, afterwards somebody told it lasted for one minute. I don’t actually know how long it took but it was really strong. It felt like it was shaking a little at first and then being more harsh and in a way more demanding. My bike fell on the street and then the electricity went off, after that the earth under me was moving in a way that I fell on the street also. And then there was nothing. I waited for a while and took my bike and my phone so I would have flashlight to find my way home. Luckily I was able to send one message home (to Finland) saying that there was strong quake and I was ok and soon after that phones didn’t work anymore.

I had only about 200 meters to go home and there were minor chaos on the way. Concrete fence of one building was in the middle of the street, buildings were damaged. Outside one shop there was this young girl crying dreary. I stopped and asked if she was ok. She assured she was but was worried about her mother. I tried to comfort her telling that I was sure that her mother was just fine. Then I made my way to home. Yon from our Good Earth Cafe was on the street pointing the way with a flashlight telling me that it might not be safe to go back to H2O now. I turned around and bumped into Jeneva, our new yoga teacher, who had just arrived H2O few days ago. She had hurt her leg and didn’t have any shoes on. She told me that she had been in the main house when the quake started. There was some damages on the ceiling of her room and she had had difficulties to get out of the building. Leaning into each other we headed on to our neighbors yard where we found other people as well, locals and tourists. Sitting on the ground scared and shaking we felt the first of the hundreds of aftershocks, wondering whether it’s possible that the electricity pole on the street could actually fall on us.

A little while later we heard our boss Jon's voice on the street from the H2O direction. We went to talk to him. Jon told us there is this hill about 100 meters from the street and he knew that some people went there. And if we wanted, he could show us the way. Our island is almost flat and this hill couldn’t be more than 10 meters high but still open space felt suitable place where we could spend our night. The field was full of people; we found our friend Becci and our yoga teacher Clare there. Quite quickly we made the decision to spend our night there, later I found out that the field was actually cows pasture. 😉 While in there we were admiring the starry sky and countless shooting stars. Soon wondering about the silence on the island where usually is not that quiet because at least the roosters were always telling each other where they were. Sometimes the silence was broken by horses neigh which made us wonder what they have just sensed which we don’t know anything about. Then it was all quiet again. After a while we heard a wave of waves, and probably everyone was thinking, that hopefully that rush will not come near us in the form of tsunami. At some point the silence was broken by the dog barking from Lombok. In addition to our worry, was the temperature which might drop under 20 degrees, which might be a bit cold when wearing only shorts and top. Clare and Becci decided to go back to their houses and get some blankets for us. After that all us four settled down on one round blanked, which diameter was probably 1,2 meters, trying to get some sleep. There were aftershocks constantly and in between those shocks you could actually feel how the earth trembled. It felt like it never settled down. Still, I think all of us managed to sleep that night.

At dawn everybody was leaving from the hill. We headed to Becci’s and Clare’s. Once there we found out that there is risk of those places collapsing at any time, so Jeneva and I decided to head back to H2O immediately and collect our stuff. H2O was there but the main house was quite badly damaged. I got my things out of my room and after that we all gathered outside and had a morning tea. Becci came back a while later chatting with some of the guests and making plans on how to get to Lombok or where from there. I on the other hand had no clue what I was going to do. And I have to say I was numb. I didn’t speak anything because I could’t. Fortunately Becci was demanding me to make decision telling that it’s my well-being that we are talking about now, it my life, it’s about staying alive. So I packed my luggage and said goodbye to everyone and there we were, ready to leave. The way to harbor was chaotic; hotel which was under construction had major cracks all over, collapsed buildings and unfortunately dead body. Harbor was also a chaos with all the people trying to find boat and their way out from the island. It took us probably about two hours before we actually got on to a boat. Unfortunately I have to say that some people were smelling money in the situation we were in. Meaning that our despair and panic were also taken advantage of. I understand that our situation was and is far better than theirs but still I was sad to witness this. Boat ride that normally costs 12 000 rupiah was now 50 000. On Lombok the situation concerning the help wasn’t any better. Ministery of foreign affairs instructed that local authories will assist us further but local police men did not speak any English and they really didn’t seem to be that eager to help us; unfortunately. We continued further inland trying to find a bus to airport.

On the way we were offered to have a private transportation for 1,5 million rupiah per person (usually private car costs around 350 000-500 000 rupiah). Finally we found a bus which had space for us. Even though we found our way out of the harbor I felt sad about the fact how little they actually cared about us in this situation, hoping it would had been more like “hey, we are in this together”. From the chaos we eventually got to the airport and to Kuta Lombok, where Becci was holidaying just week before. When we were there, we thought we had earned a good cup of coffee.

By the cup of coffee we were thinking about our next move. Or Becci was actually, I was desperately trying to find my way (flight) out from Lombok to Bali; anywhere actually. Connection in that cafe was so poor that I asked my friend from Bali to help me to find flight for me. She also told me that I’m welcome to spend some time at her house. Finally after an hour I found a flight to Kuala Lumpur on Tuesday night. Meanwhile Becci had found us place to sleep the next night and next we headed to check that place out. It was two storey building and our room was on the ground floor which made us a little tense because we could still feel the aftershock all the way in Kuta Lombok. We were investigating the cracks on the walls deciding that the place probably is just fine for us for that one night. Real issue for us staying there was actual towels or lack of them. 😉 We asked staff to bring us towels and they told us all the towels are in laundry at that moment but we would get fresh towels the next day. But when you haven’t showered for two days and you had slept on the cows pasture, this probably is not the thing you want to hear. And because they were reluctant in getting us towels from somewhere, we decided that maybe it’s better to stay somewhere else.

The next place was quite far and it was surely kind of hard to find. It was in the middle of the village among the locals. Once we got there we were told that they are fully booked. But they told us that in the same yard there was this one house with a room and Becci negotiate a room for us for 150 000 rupiah. This deal also included fresh towels. 😊 We settled in fully aware of the aftershocks that could be felt under our feet from time to time. And we could only laugh when we realized there is a mosque in the courtyard less than 50 meters away from our house, which would mean the wake-up call around five in the morning. Still we were so happy that we found a place and that the place were only on storey high and there weren’t any cracks on the walls of that place (and seriously I’ll never look at the cracks on the buildings the same way than before).

Before we crawled into bed that night, we placed all our stuff by the door just in case there is sudden need to leave the building. Couple of stronger aftershocks woke us up from our sleep and got us outside where also the locals were wondering about the situation. We agreed that maybe we sleep in shifts that night just in case. After 2 AM we desided that maybe we just sleep. All that we had been through was so exhausting that Becci didn’t even hear to mosque in the morning and I only witness the first seconds of it and then fell asleep again.

Our little home in the middle of the village

In the morning I was still unsure where I would head next, but in the end, however, I booked a flight to Finland on Friday. Around 2 PM we headed to the airport so Becci could continue to Bali and I to Kuala Lumpur. At the airport we met siblings who were sleeping just next to us on that night on the hill and one couple that we met some where along the way. And we all had only on goal in mind, to get back home safely.

When I was finally safe in the hotel room in Kuala Lumpur I broke into tears. Not only because I realized that I was safe from the quakes (hopefully) but because I didn’t really know what the situation of some people was, people that I’ve met during this month. At first I was thinking about waiter boy in our Cafe at H2O, who I had barely spoken with but who started to call me his girlfriend and remembered to tell me daily that he loved me. ❤ He left to Lombok day before the quake being little sick and I have no idea how he is now and what is the situation of his family. I’m also worried about other boys as well, all of them were always so funny, telling jokes which I mostly didn’t get but who always made me laugh so hard. They had such a good vibes. I also wonder about boys and girls at Orong Villages, who took care of my caffeine needs, always smiling and asking how I was even if I was just passing by them on the beach. Our pineapple lady Hati who came on to Gili Air from Lombok everyday to work on the beach. Family who prepared my daily curry portion at Warung ZZZ, whose living room was the restaurant “hall”. Boys at Musa Cookery whose "Hello Finland, how are you?" greetings I can still hear in my head. Not to mention all the wonderful people I did not even have chance to get to know. In general all the people who worked on the island had families on Lombok and I can only hope, that people that I know are all alive and that they'll get through this. ❤

One of the first sane thought, while living in the middle of this chaos, was that I need to get rid of the stuff I don’t need. I don’t know where that came from but it was very clear and strong idea. It is actually quite meaningless how much stuff you have if you are dealing with the matter of life and dead. And I do have so much more than enough. And even though I am kind of starting point at the moment myself, without a job and without a plan, I really do want to help these people who have lost everything. And who are completely dependent on the outside support and help. And the thing I’m now talking about is clean drinking water and food. Have you got $10 to spare? You can now also help the people I just told you about. Employees at H2O and their communities that have been effected by the devastation of the recent earthquakes. They all are living in Lombok, some has lost family members, some their homes either partly or totally, they have only limited amount of water and food. And because there are aftershocks all the time, there aren’t any guarantees that the situation will settle soon.
What does $10 buy you in Lombok?

One bag of 20kg cement
Enough food and water for 20 people
10 litres of fuel to run generators
3 t-shirts.

Every Monday you can see the update from H2O’s Facebook page on how it has been distributed. (https://www.facebook.com/h2oyogaandmeditation/)
How to do it? Just click on the link at the bottom of this post, scroll to the bottom of the page and use the paypal 'extras' icon to make your donation. Please spread the love. ❤
http://www.h2oyogaandmeditation.com/4-day-unlimited-yoga-packages/

Keep in mind that even the smallest amount of money could be a lifesaver. ❤

Today is new day. Full of endless possibilities. Make a difference. ❤

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Time to say Goodbye

7/19/2018

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Now that I have finally settled in my new home I also have some time to finish this blog post that I wrote at the airport almost two weeks ago. So let’s go back in time a little…

Again I'm here; sitting at Helsinki airport writing my feelings just before departure. Sometimes things tend to happen little more quickly than you ever even dreamed or dared to hope for, and maybe in some cases this is also a good thing. This time my leaving is different because I don't have any idea when I'll come back. Maybe this also the reason why I feel more sad than usual when I'm leaving somewhere. So, how did I end up here? Again?

Less than two weeks ago the time finally came for the resignation from my job. The whole day while sitting at work there was only one thought on my mind and it was tomorrow is the exact right time. When tomorrow came only thing on my mind was when would be the the actual last day. By the end of my work day it was very clear to me that 1.8. would be the first day of my "freedom" and I handed in my resignation accordingly. The next day I was feeling very light knowing that I have to give up something so I would be able to receive something even better in return into my life. That afternoon I was reading my emails feeling my heart beating so fast. There was this message concerning this job that I had applied from Indonesia with question: Could you start 8.7.? I sent a message to my boss immediately asking if this would be possible and answered accordingly to my possible new boss. Next morning I had received email saying: Welcome to our team! And that is the reason why I find myself again at the airport.

The feelings I feel at the moment are difficult to even understand. At this very moment I am so incredibly happy and next feeling might be minor panic. What the hell I’m doing? I am about to leave and have actually already left my family and loved ones behind, my job and my whole life really. Kinda. I’m on my way to live in a country that I’ve never even visited before. I think it is safe to say the this really is leap in the dark. In a way I’m in that state that I don’t actually want to go and on the other hand I just can’t wait to get there. But at first there is 14 hours of flying ahead, staying over at friends house for one night and 4 hours on a speed boat. Still I’m very eager to see and find out what is waiting for me at the destination. If you are too, stay tuned. <3

All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them
-Walt Disney

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What is your dharma?

6/28/2018

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I have mentioned the term Dharma quite a few times on my blog posts lately. And since this topic interests me so much I decided to write little bit more about it. The core ideas for this writing I’ve gotten from Simon Chokoisky’s book: The he Five Dharma Types vedic wisdom for discovering your purpose and destiny.

I think the term Karma is quite well-known in the western world but most of us haven’t probably heard the term dharma after that one TV-series years back. Not to mention knowing the meaning behind this word.

Dharma means one’s duty in this life. Dharma is the purpose in life. And honestly let’s face it, life without purpose is meaningless. Dharma is about what we do in life, the end goal in life. It’s also about how we act in our lives to each other, to ourselves and to other living beings. I think it is also about finding that supreme happiness in life. Happiness that can only be found through dharma.

Our modern very materialistic world tries to provide us a meaning to life through wealth and possession, but it doesn’t get us closer to answering questions like who am I or why am I here? It is really interesting how the world around us gives us different identities making us bosses, parents or good girls and therefore making us also behave in certain way, in a way that is expected because of those labels. But those labels don’t really tell anyone anything about the fact of who we really are. It therefore is also taking us further away from our dharma.

When talking about dharma it is important to realise and understand that there really is purpose to life. What I find particularly interesting is that, without purpose we find our lives to be nothing but chaos. And the question I want to bring to your attention is what our lives are like nowadays, what life is like for most people nowadays? Chaos, stress, schedules, rush? How many of us have lost oneself into this chaos? How many of us is addicted to something (training, shopping, alcohol) because of this? Because, let’s face it, without dharma life is really only series of random moments that have nothing to do with any sense of natural order. Life becomes stressful and empty if we aren’t aware of our purpose, and no money can buy meaning to life. Once we understand the purpose of our lives, suddenly everything starts fall into place. By following our dharma, we ensure our own well-being and we understand and see all the good there is around us.

Dharma states that everything you need is already within you. Your dharma is already planted into you and all you have to do is water it. And when you start to realise your own purpose, you also have the opportunity to get to know yourself. If you want to find your purpose in this life or understand it, you need to have the courage to listen yourself and your innermost self.

My dharma is leading me now to Bali where I’m going to teach yoga for the next month or few months. ❤

Have you already discovered your dharma or are you eager to discover it?

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Thoughts about happiness

6/14/2018

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I feel like I should share my earlier writing about happiness to my English readers also because then you'll know some of my thoughts before my journey to India a month ago. I was writing the post while waiting my flight to Delhi at the end of April.

Exactly two years ago I was in this same situation at the airport waiting my flight to Delhi heading toward this amazing adventure. Adventure which then was Yoga teacher training but also an adventure for self-exploration and turning inside, more simply put it was an experience that changed my life. This time it is also going to be all about yoga and of course holiday, relaxation, charging my batteries and focus my thoughts about my future.

This year for me has been filled with great turmoil. The turmoil started about the same time with my Ayurveda studies. At this point I would like to tell you how Ayurveda defines the state of health: Person whose doshas (=the three substances that are present in a person's body), agni (=digestion) and dhātus (=tissues) are in balance and whose soul, senses and mind are filled with bliss; this is a person who is healthy. According to this definition I'm not healthy. Why you might ask? Because, honestly, my soul, senses and mind aren't filled with bliss. And this certainly forces me to think what my life is like at the moment? When thinking this from happiness point of view the question I have to ask myself is: Can I honestly say that I'm happy in every aspects of my life?

It is often said that you have to travel far so you would be able see near and this is also one of themes of my trip. I'm especially interested in figuring out what kind of day to day life I want for myself. One of the best decisions I've made earlier this year was to cut back my working hours to 6 hours per day. Now if you don't yet know the background I fill in the situation a little; I have two jobs. I have my permanent so called "real" job and I also have my own business. Meaning that during the days I'm working at the office and during the evenings I'm instructing yoga as a yoga teacher or coaching clients as personal trainer. So cutting back the hours from the other job has given me more time to do other things meaning my own business. For example I got an opportunity to teach one completely new weekly yoga class which of course makes me very happy and grateful. The change in my working hours has certainly also given me more energy, and I'm actually not feeling tired all the time anymore. BUT one question still remains, is this enough? And the biggest question on my mind is; is this job of mine taking me toward my goal in life, the thing that is my dharma? With dharma in this context I mean my purpose in life, my true passion. And of course I do know the answer to this and the answer is no.

How come this is so hard to admit? Admitting is one quite huge thing but it's not enough though. There should also be some sort of vision of my future, a vision of what kind of everyday life I want to build for myself. Decisions, and everything really, should also feel good, and above all, they should feel good in the heart. And if they don't feel good in the heart, there should be some other path to follow toward the goal. This is the situation I'm in at the moment in my life. The path to the goal is not yet clear to me but I feel the answer is near. And I feel very strongly that the distance that I'm taking now, travelling far to be able see near, is the key point here right now. And I truly believe that this trip will change my whole life. I just need this time to be able to quiet the mind, listen to my heart and find the answer from within. ❤

What about you? Are you truly happy with your life in all its aspects? ❤

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Carpe Diem - Seize the day, part 2

6/11/2018

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To my disappointment I have to say that I didn't become a surfer. 😉 As the season was slowly shifting toward monsoon the ocean was pretty rough and even getting into water with my board was challenging. But there I was floundering for 1,5 hours trying to get myself riding on wave which of course didn't happen. But still I'm really happy that I put myself out there and gave it a try.

During my holiday I met so many amazing people and connection with these people was just so beautiful that I still can't believe how lucky I was. ❤ One day when I was returning "home" from North Cliff (which is about 1 km away from my hotel). I was climbing up this steep hill looking over my shoulder to the ocean once again mesmerised by the view and therefore I almost run into this Indian man. I just smiled him, embarrased and apologised. I had walked further for at least half a kilometre away, when I heard someone calling. I turned around and it was that man. I stopped and turned around as he was walking toward me. He greeted me and told that the energy he spotted on my face was so unique and special that he just wanted to come and tell me that. We chat for a little while about energies and continued walking into different directions. Also the guests at the hotel were kind of special and it was really easy to be around everyone. And I think everyone of them inspired me in some special way. Not to mention the staff at Soul & Surf who were so special and everyone of them made me feel like I was home. ❤

When I had been on holiday a little over a week I was starting to get really sad about the fact that soon I would have to leave. I felt that I'm not quite ready to leave India behind just yet. So I thought the situation over for day or two and decided to extend my holiday for three days. And I'm so incredibly happy that I did. During those extra days I had an opportunity to plan my future a little and therefore also meet my yoga teacher who lives in Varkala. And therefore I also got one more new friend in my life, Evelyne. We actually were the two last guests in the hotel before it closed down for the monsoon. We were also privileged to attend to staff's end of season party. Party that was all about fun moments. 😊

The next morning (after the party) Evelyne and I left Varkala behind heading to airport and eventually to Delhi. I couldn't help myself feeling nothing but sadness and I think it was also the very first time that I actually cried when I had to leave from somewhere. I kind of felt like something was still unfinished or that some part of me had left behind. The next morning when I was walking toward Finnair's plane in Delhi, I was still crying so hard. Although I have to admit that upgrade into to the business class eased my sadness a bit 😉 but it certainly didn't make it go away completely.

The grand finale of my journey is still untold. India finally taught me so perfectly that life is now as I've already told couple of times on this writing. But I want to underline that thought one more time here. The biggest decision that I made during my trip was to quit my job (at this point I have to tell, if you don't already know, that I have this "real" job which I'm now quitting and in addition I have my own business which means that I'm also entrepreneur). Of course it wasn't any sudden decision, I have thought about it for quite awhile weighing different options. This quitting part though I find pretty interesting because permanent job was my biggest dream for so many years and exactly one year ago I finally got it. But that job is all the time taking me and my energy further from my dharma, my purpose in life. Further from my true desire; from the thing that gives me so much joy every single day. And that is yoga and teaching yoga.

Bring it on ❤

I don't have exact plan or certainty about the future (and if you know someone who knows exactly what life brings please do point me that person 😉 ) but I have a very strong feeling that now I'm on right path even though the situation is so very scary! I could choose the safe option and just settle something that is safe and nice or choose to live my life to the fullest. And at this very moment I think it is kind of now or never decision for me and if I don't do this now I'm always settling for the safe and nice. So I chose the option NOW.

Carpe diem - Seize the day ❤

In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take. ~Lewis Carroll

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Carpe diem - Seize the Day, part 1

6/5/2018

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On my last blog post I was telling that person who returned home from India was totally different from the person who left there. Therefore I feel I need to share a bit of my adventure and feelings during my stay there. The journey to my destination was quite long (30 hours) and exhausting but it served me the best views ever. 😍 World from up in the air is so incredibly beautiful that it really left me speechless. In my final destination there were luckily a room and bed waiting for me as promised. 😉 The hotel where I stayed at was called Soul & Surf which became a very dear place to me. The name tells it all, it was all about soulful activities meaning yoga and surfing.

On my first night when I crawled into my bed tiny gecko was passing through across the wall of my room. I thought ok little one since you are so cute, you can stay here. Few moments later big spider which diameter was about 5 cm was crossing the same wall. For a moment or two I was looking for something that I could use to evict it from my room, but realized soon enough that nothing like that was available. So at that point I really couldn't do anything about it but of course hope that the spider wasn't poisonous. I decided to sleep lights on that night (and have one eye half open) just to have sight on that creature all the time. By dawn I had of course fallen asleep and the spider had vanished. I like to think it found room with better facilities somewhere else. 😉

My goal and purpose for the trip was to find time and space to practice yoga and also finish my ayurveda studies. And also I have to say that there is something special when you are travelling alone because then you have to be social even at the times when you rather turn your back on everyone and just be alone with your own thoughts. In my first morning I ended up having breakfast with the staff since other guests were surfing. So, morning started with nice and light conversation and I felt very welcomed, like I was member of the group. And of course that felt extremely nice. ❤

I had booked yoga week and soul week packages for myself. Which meant that during my two weeks stay I could attend to 12 yoga classes, 4 meditation or pranayama classes, one private class and one massage. Yogashala was located on the roof of the hotel and it really was something special, I mean what could be more nice than enjoy the sight of sun setting into ocean while practicing.

On my first evening I chose to stay at the hotel for dinner because it was such an easy choice (actually I did stay there almost every night). On my way to cafe I ran into man called Stefano. We had dinner together and shared interesting conversation about dharma and ayurveda. It is kind of funny how deep conversation you can have with someone complete stranger. It must have something to do with the fact that you don't know anything about that person and it makes it all easier. This was again good example what happens when you travel alone and be social in some extent.

My day rhythm was to study or work for few hours after breakfast. And as you can imagine this kind of rhythm can be pretty hard and it usually forced me to take a nap while lying on a sunbed. 😉 Holiday certainly was quite demanding for me from time to time and sometimes it was so difficult to get myself out of bed and go to morning yoga (which started at 8.30) 😉 For first time in a quite a while I also experienced how yoga teacher's beautiful talk can move me so much that it made me cry during Savasana. While I was lying there I hoped that I could remember some of those words and maybe share them later on my own classes. But now I have to say that I have no idea what it was that she said.

The atmosphere, vibes and garden of Soul & Surf was so special that it took me whole of three days until I managed to get myself to go to beach. Which was kind of funny because only thing that I had to do was to climb down the stairs from the edge of the cliff. On the beach I just walked in the water thinking my next mission that I needed to do on that beach. At first my intention was to write down some things from my past that I was ready to let go. Once I returned to the garden I was ready to write it all down. It certainly was easier said than done. For quite awhile I was just staring that piece of paper feeling again really sad and moved about this mission. Finally the writing just poured out of me filling the paper. At sunset I went back to the beach. I had matches with me and I was ready to burn that part of my past and finally let go of the things that I didn't want to carry with me anymore.

Besides studying or working I formed a habit of staring the ocean. It was very meditative for me. The view of the ocean and the waves had kind of strange effect on me and in a way it was very confusing. Later I figured that it had to be the fact of living in the moment. Realizing that every wave was unique, and there is never going to be similar wave again. They are constantly changing like the ocean too. Like life itself. And this made me realize so clearly that life is here and now.

India wasn't just roses and laughter. I experienced strong feelings of frustration also. I was frustrated with myself during one yoga class. In the middle of the class I noticed that I'm pushing myself much further that my body was able to handle that moment. And even though I realized that I was still continuing my practice the same way. Which of course made me not only frustrated but also very angry with myself. It was against everything that I always teach and still I ignored my body and was pushing it too far. I tried to figure out reason for my behavior but didn't find the answer. It kind of felt like I was complete outsider in that situation. Luckily this was only that one time that I was doing my practice ego ahead. And maybe it also taught me something.

When I look back my days in India I realize that not one day went by without me being touched by something. I didn't always even know the reason for it I just noticed tears in my eyes. Maybe India released something in me that I had kept inside. And what was also new I really didn't even care where I was or who there were around me I just let the feeling flow out of me.

The ocean wasn't the only thing that made me think about the fact how limited our life actually is. A friend of the staff suddenly passed away and everyone was pretty upset about it. One morning whole staff went to beach in front of hotel surfing in memory of this person and said their goodbyes to this person in this special way. And all this was so beautiful, so caring and full of love that all of us (the guests) were just silently following this event. And this made me realize so clearly that life is now. And first thing it made me do was to sign up for surfing lesson.

How that turned out? And what else happened? That you'll find out later. Stay tuned. 😉

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Forward>>

My life after the earthquake

New moon in September - Moon of change

Help needed

I'm ok, I think.

Life is fragile

Time to say Goodbye

What is your dharma?

Thoughts about happiness

Carpe Diem - Seize the day, part 2

Carpe diem - Seize the Day, part 1

Hanne Nousiainen

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