Ok, first, let’s face, I have been avoiding people a lot during the past month. I’ve been avoiding eye contacts and certain situations that I knew I would need to speak about the earthquake and everything that went on. And I was actually wondering why it is so? I mean I don’t mind speaking about it, I don’t think I have any trauma over the situation. So why do I feel this way? Finally few weeks ago I realized what it is that makes me act this way. The thing is… It may seem from outside that I’m the same person than I was three months ago but inside that person doesn’t exist anymore. And that is actually something that I find very difficult. This makes it difficult for me to melt into the life back home, in Finland I mean.
Sometimes I think no one really understands me, and no one ever will. I love freedom and need to feel independent and free most of all. Although I can fit into many crowds, I never really feel a part of any of them. I wear many hats but none of them defines me. People may see me as secretive or mysterious, but I am just the way I am—different. By fate or choice I am attracted to foreign lands, cultures, religions, and values and have embraced some of these. I have talents and abilities that are not always recognized, and it can be hard to make a living if I do not compromise with my society. My ambitions are somewhat unique, and I have a quirky way of seeing the world. Sometimes I feel lost and don’t know what my true purpose is, but when I look at others I am reminded of what it is not: I can’t conform to somebody else’s lifestyle just for the sake of security, even though I may not have found my own.
So what I’m going to do while there? To find out, stay tuned. ❤