Carpe diem - Seize the day ❤
In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take. ~Lewis Carroll
To my disappointment I have to say that I didn't become a surfer. 😉 As the season was slowly shifting toward monsoon the ocean was pretty rough and even getting into water with my board was challenging. But there I was floundering for 1,5 hours trying to get myself riding on wave which of course didn't happen. But still I'm really happy that I put myself out there and gave it a try.
During my holiday I met so many amazing people and connection with these people was just so beautiful that I still can't believe how lucky I was. ❤ One day when I was returning "home" from North Cliff (which is about 1 km away from my hotel). I was climbing up this steep hill looking over my shoulder to the ocean once again mesmerised by the view and therefore I almost run into this Indian man. I just smiled him, embarrased and apologised. I had walked further for at least half a kilometre away, when I heard someone calling. I turned around and it was that man. I stopped and turned around as he was walking toward me. He greeted me and told that the energy he spotted on my face was so unique and special that he just wanted to come and tell me that. We chat for a little while about energies and continued walking into different directions. Also the guests at the hotel were kind of special and it was really easy to be around everyone. And I think everyone of them inspired me in some special way. Not to mention the staff at Soul & Surf who were so special and everyone of them made me feel like I was home. ❤
When I had been on holiday a little over a week I was starting to get really sad about the fact that soon I would have to leave. I felt that I'm not quite ready to leave India behind just yet. So I thought the situation over for day or two and decided to extend my holiday for three days. And I'm so incredibly happy that I did. During those extra days I had an opportunity to plan my future a little and therefore also meet my yoga teacher who lives in Varkala. And therefore I also got one more new friend in my life, Evelyne. We actually were the two last guests in the hotel before it closed down for the monsoon. We were also privileged to attend to staff's end of season party. Party that was all about fun moments. 😊
The next morning (after the party) Evelyne and I left Varkala behind heading to airport and eventually to Delhi. I couldn't help myself feeling nothing but sadness and I think it was also the very first time that I actually cried when I had to leave from somewhere. I kind of felt like something was still unfinished or that some part of me had left behind. The next morning when I was walking toward Finnair's plane in Delhi, I was still crying so hard. Although I have to admit that upgrade into to the business class eased my sadness a bit 😉 but it certainly didn't make it go away completely.
The grand finale of my journey is still untold. India finally taught me so perfectly that life is now as I've already told couple of times on this writing. But I want to underline that thought one more time here. The biggest decision that I made during my trip was to quit my job (at this point I have to tell, if you don't already know, that I have this "real" job which I'm now quitting and in addition I have my own business which means that I'm also entrepreneur). Of course it wasn't any sudden decision, I have thought about it for quite awhile weighing different options. This quitting part though I find pretty interesting because permanent job was my biggest dream for so many years and exactly one year ago I finally got it. But that job is all the time taking me and my energy further from my dharma, my purpose in life. Further from my true desire; from the thing that gives me so much joy every single day. And that is yoga and teaching yoga.
I don't have exact plan or certainty about the future (and if you know someone who knows exactly what life brings please do point me that person 😉 ) but I have a very strong feeling that now I'm on right path even though the situation is so very scary! I could choose the safe option and just settle something that is safe and nice or choose to live my life to the fullest. And at this very moment I think it is kind of now or never decision for me and if I don't do this now I'm always settling for the safe and nice. So I chose the option NOW.
Carpe diem - Seize the day ❤
In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take. ~Lewis Carroll
On my last blog post I was telling that person who returned home from India was totally different from the person who left there. Therefore I feel I need to share a bit of my adventure and feelings during my stay there. The journey to my destination was quite long (30 hours) and exhausting but it served me the best views ever. 😍 World from up in the air is so incredibly beautiful that it really left me speechless. In my final destination there were luckily a room and bed waiting for me as promised. 😉 The hotel where I stayed at was called Soul & Surf which became a very dear place to me. The name tells it all, it was all about soulful activities meaning yoga and surfing.
On my first night when I crawled into my bed tiny gecko was passing through across the wall of my room. I thought ok little one since you are so cute, you can stay here. Few moments later big spider which diameter was about 5 cm was crossing the same wall. For a moment or two I was looking for something that I could use to evict it from my room, but realized soon enough that nothing like that was available. So at that point I really couldn't do anything about it but of course hope that the spider wasn't poisonous. I decided to sleep lights on that night (and have one eye half open) just to have sight on that creature all the time. By dawn I had of course fallen asleep and the spider had vanished. I like to think it found room with better facilities somewhere else. 😉
My goal and purpose for the trip was to find time and space to practice yoga and also finish my ayurveda studies. And also I have to say that there is something special when you are travelling alone because then you have to be social even at the times when you rather turn your back on everyone and just be alone with your own thoughts. In my first morning I ended up having breakfast with the staff since other guests were surfing. So, morning started with nice and light conversation and I felt very welcomed, like I was member of the group. And of course that felt extremely nice. ❤
I had booked yoga week and soul week packages for myself. Which meant that during my two weeks stay I could attend to 12 yoga classes, 4 meditation or pranayama classes, one private class and one massage. Yogashala was located on the roof of the hotel and it really was something special, I mean what could be more nice than enjoy the sight of sun setting into ocean while practicing.
On my first evening I chose to stay at the hotel for dinner because it was such an easy choice (actually I did stay there almost every night). On my way to cafe I ran into man called Stefano. We had dinner together and shared interesting conversation about dharma and ayurveda. It is kind of funny how deep conversation you can have with someone complete stranger. It must have something to do with the fact that you don't know anything about that person and it makes it all easier. This was again good example what happens when you travel alone and be social in some extent.
My day rhythm was to study or work for few hours after breakfast. And as you can imagine this kind of rhythm can be pretty hard and it usually forced me to take a nap while lying on a sunbed. 😉 Holiday certainly was quite demanding for me from time to time and sometimes it was so difficult to get myself out of bed and go to morning yoga (which started at 8.30) 😉 For first time in a quite a while I also experienced how yoga teacher's beautiful talk can move me so much that it made me cry during Savasana. While I was lying there I hoped that I could remember some of those words and maybe share them later on my own classes. But now I have to say that I have no idea what it was that she said.
The atmosphere, vibes and garden of Soul & Surf was so special that it took me whole of three days until I managed to get myself to go to beach. Which was kind of funny because only thing that I had to do was to climb down the stairs from the edge of the cliff. On the beach I just walked in the water thinking my next mission that I needed to do on that beach. At first my intention was to write down some things from my past that I was ready to let go. Once I returned to the garden I was ready to write it all down. It certainly was easier said than done. For quite awhile I was just staring that piece of paper feeling again really sad and moved about this mission. Finally the writing just poured out of me filling the paper. At sunset I went back to the beach. I had matches with me and I was ready to burn that part of my past and finally let go of the things that I didn't want to carry with me anymore.
Besides studying or working I formed a habit of staring the ocean. It was very meditative for me. The view of the ocean and the waves had kind of strange effect on me and in a way it was very confusing. Later I figured that it had to be the fact of living in the moment. Realizing that every wave was unique, and there is never going to be similar wave again. They are constantly changing like the ocean too. Like life itself. And this made me realize so clearly that life is here and now.
India wasn't just roses and laughter. I experienced strong feelings of frustration also. I was frustrated with myself during one yoga class. In the middle of the class I noticed that I'm pushing myself much further that my body was able to handle that moment. And even though I realized that I was still continuing my practice the same way. Which of course made me not only frustrated but also very angry with myself. It was against everything that I always teach and still I ignored my body and was pushing it too far. I tried to figure out reason for my behavior but didn't find the answer. It kind of felt like I was complete outsider in that situation. Luckily this was only that one time that I was doing my practice ego ahead. And maybe it also taught me something.
When I look back my days in India I realize that not one day went by without me being touched by something. I didn't always even know the reason for it I just noticed tears in my eyes. Maybe India released something in me that I had kept inside. And what was also new I really didn't even care where I was or who there were around me I just let the feeling flow out of me.
The ocean wasn't the only thing that made me think about the fact how limited our life actually is. A friend of the staff suddenly passed away and everyone was pretty upset about it. One morning whole staff went to beach in front of hotel surfing in memory of this person and said their goodbyes to this person in this special way. And all this was so beautiful, so caring and full of love that all of us (the guests) were just silently following this event. And this made me realize so clearly that life is now. And first thing it made me do was to sign up for surfing lesson.
How that turned out? And what else happened? That you'll find out later. Stay tuned. 😉
* Yoga Teacher